We open with our favorite translator, Missandei, tutoring Grey Worm in the Common Tongue (GOT version of English). We learn that Grey Worm comes from the Summer Isles but doesn’t remember that life. “Unsullied. Always Unsullied. Before Unsullied, nothing,” he says. Missandei can relate – she was taken as a 5-year-old child. It’s no wonder these two, along with the hundreds of thousands of freed slaves, love and worship Dany. She’s their liberator and the first person that has been nice to them and treated them with an ounce of respect in decades. Their loyalty is unyielding, unlike the armies of Westeros, who appear to be loyal to gold and that’s about it.
Dany enters and with two words (“It’s time”) her plan to sack Meereen is set in motion. Grey Worm and a small group of Unsullied, disguised as slaves, infiltrate the castle from a secret gate near the water. They climb through the tunnels of the city at night while the Masters are resting and head to the slave headquarters. The slaves are already meeting, discussing Dany and her horde and what it could potentially mean for them, but they are afraid to rise against the Masters. There have been many unsuccessful slave rebellions and they have no weapons to fight. Even chains are better than death.
Cue Grey Worm and Co.
“Valar morghulis,” Grey Worm says. He tells the slaves of his enslavement, his life as Unsullied, and finally, his freedom thanks to Dany. “Now I fight for Daenerys, Mother of Dragons, Breaker of Chains.” He then surprises the slaves with bags of weapons and continues, “No on can give you your freedom, brothers. If you want it, you must take it.” You go, Grey Worm. I’d fight with you.
We cut to a Master and two soldiers stumbling upon “Kill the Masters” scrawled in blood on a wall. In the sky, they spot something black and red – a flag with a red dragon – hanging over their statue and then armed slaves surround and trap them. We cut again to Dany walking in a shower of broken slave chains with hundreds of thousands of newly freed slaves lining the roads shouting “Meesa, Meesa!” and raising their arms toward her. (Sound familiar?) Beneath Dany, the Unsullied surround the Masters of the city. Dany asks Ser Jorah how many children were nailed to mile posts. One hundred and sixty three. Dany signals. Barristan asks for a word and warns her that it is best to answer injustice with mercy. “I will answer injustice with justice,” proclaims Dany and then stares Barristan down. Stop questioning her, Barristan. She’ll breathe fire on you eventually.
Dany has the masters crucified in the same fashion as the slave children and stands watch over the city, underneath the dragon flag hoisted on the top monument, and listens to the moans and screams of the Masters.
Sansa – As we saw last week, Sansa was “rescued” (I use rescued lightly) by Littlefinger. He informs Sansa that they’re en route to her crazy Aunt Lysa Tully’s castle. You may remember crazy Aunt Lysa from Season 1. She’s most memorable for breastfeeding her child, NOT infant, but child and setting the stage for the lovable bromance between Tyrion and Bronn. I’d also like to point out this is the same place Arya is going (fingers crossed!).
Now, it’s time for some answers. Littlefinger admits he killed Joffrey, “A man with no motive is a man no one suspects,” eck. “If they don’t know who you are or what you want, they can’t know what you plan to do next,” he says while looking seductively at Sansa. You can see Sansa taking a scared gulp before asking what he does want. Littlefinger responds, “Everything,” while creepily running his hands down her arms while I physically shudder.
Can we pause for a second? We all know that Littlefinger was a bit obsessed with Catelyn. And Littlefinger has always treated Sansa like the next best thing. And Littlefinger is a spiteful bitch. Remember last season when Sansa chose her potential nuptials to Loras over escaping King’s Landing with Littlefinger? Something tells me that Sansa is NOT safe right now. End pause.
But there is no way Littlefinger acted alone. He tells Sansa that he has a new, top-secret, powerful alliance. Ser Dontos was too easily swayed and not smart enough to pull this off. Who killed Joffrey Baratheon?! As we find out in the next scene it was the very powerful House Tyrell. More on that later.
Jon Snow – Seriously Castle Black, you NEED to prepare for the Wildings. And hey, one of your men has been with them for the past couple of “months” (I don’t know time is weird in Westeros). Why don’t you use his insider knowledge to prepare? Yea. No? Okay.
Jon Snow is training the men on how to fight Wildlings. Ser Alliser Thorne interrupts him because his rank doesn’t allow him that kind of superiority. Janos Slynt suggests sending Jon on the mission to Craster’s Keep to get rid of Jon Snow. That’s smart, let’s get rid of our biggest asset against the Wildlings before they attack (rolls eyes).
So Jon is off to Craster’s but only if he can gather enough volunteers to take down the Night’s Watch rebels that have taken over the Keep. He delivers a big speech and slowly, one by one, the volunteers stand up.
Wait a second, who’s that guy hanging around Castle Black? It’s Locke, the guy that chopped off Jaime’s hand. After episode two, we can also think of him as Ramsey Snow’s sadistic BFF. You may remember, Locke was asked by Roose Bolton to travel north and find Bran and Rickon. Speaking of…
Bran – Meanwhile, at Craster’s Keep it is a shit show (pardon my French, but really). We catch up with Karl Tanner (portrayed by Burn Gorman, I bring this up because the guy’s real name is SO MUCH cooler than his GOT name and that NEVER happens), as he’s drinking wine from a HUMAN SKULL and wallowing in his surroundings, which include rape and brutality. The wives and daughters of Craster have gone from being abused by one horrible man to several, awful, no good men.
Karl is rambling on and on about his glory days as a hired killer in King’s Landing. I honestly can’t pay attention to any of this because the surroundings are too disturbing.
And if this couldn’t get any worst, they have Jon Snow’s direwolf, Ghost, outside in a cage.
Bran, Hodor, and the Reeds make their way to Craster’s Keep, only to be quickly captured by the mutineers.
(side note – I ran a Tough Mudder two weeks ago. There is an obstacle called the Warrior Carry where you have to carry another participate. The guy next to me who was doing the carrying kept saying ‘Hodor! Hodor!’ – end note)
Karl torments his new prisoners and threatens to rape Meera. It’s then that Brad finally declares, “I’m Brandon Stark of Winterfell!” I’m not going to lie when he did this I was sitting on my couch going “YES! YES, YOU ARE BRAN!” It’s been a while since we’ve heard pride in declaring the name Stark. Shortly after Jojen starts seizing, no idea why. Stay tuned.
We have Jon Snow on his way to Bran. Will he get there in time? We have Arya and Sansa also potentially going to the same place. ARE WE GOING TO HAVE A STARK REUNION? For the love of god, please give us a Stark reunion. I can’t handle anymore Stark deaths. Don’t tease us like this!
White Walkers – Also at Craster’s keep, a baby boy is born and at the urging of the wives/daughters a mutineer leaves the baby outside in the snow for the “gods.” It’s not long before a White Walker comes along and picks the baby up. Is this what Jon witnessed in Season 1?
The White Walker carries the no longer crying baby to the White Walker circle of doom and lays it down as if an offering. The White Walker “king” makes his way to the child. The whole time I’m clinching my blanket hoping I’m not about to witness the king eat the poor sweet baby. He picks up the baby and with one touch of his finger he turns the child into a White Walker. So wait, is that where White Walker’s come from? They’re transitioned by the king when touched? So wait, are there a lot of infant White Walkers crawling around? Do they grow at superhuman speed? I have so many questions.
Okay, so now I want to talk about the White Walkers for a second. I pretty much hate them, and not because they’re ominous villains, just because they exist. First of all, I’ve never been able to jump on the zombie train. When we got to the big reveal at the end of season two my reaction was, “ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME? ZOMBIES? REALLY?!” Secondly, I just don’t understand where they fit in the story and I don’t really care to know. I’m too involved in everyone else and their storylines to care about White Walkers. And it pisses me off to think about those compelling stories will eventually have to stop so the focus can be on the White Walkers. And then I find it even more annoying that eventually each of these characters might have to unite to fight a common threat. I love the conflict as it is. Can we just not? Can winter just not come? Ugh.
Jaime Lannister trains with Bronn, who is clearly enjoying kicking the Kingslayer’s ass. He even slaps Jaime across the face with Jamie’s own golden hand. After last week, Jaime deserved that, just saying.
After Bronn informs Jaime that he disrespects Tyrion with the same crude tone he uses with him, the pair discuss Tyrion’s implication in Joffrey’s death. Neither think Tyrion is guilty and Bronn finally calls Jaime out on failing to visit his brother. Bronn reminds Jaime that Tyrion called for him to stand in his trial by combat at the Eyrie; Tyrion is Jaime’s brother and he loves and adores him. How dare Jaime turn his back on him in his time of need. Jaime appears to leave like he doesnt care what Bronn has to say but…
He immediately goes to visit Tyrion Lannister in his jail cell. The two brothers compare their different prison circumstances and Tyrion calls Jaime out for being Cersei’s bitch. They discuss the dreaded trial and the fact that most people think Tyrion really did kill Joffrey. Tyrion knows Cersei doesn’t care about the outcome of the trial and will kill him no matter what. Tyrion asks if Jaime will do it himself. Jaime rebuttles by asking if Tyrion has joined him as a Kingslayer. “Are you really asking if I killed your son?” Thank you, Tyrion, for addressing the elephant in the room and acknowledging that Joffrey was Jaime’s son, too.
Jaime offers to help Tyrion but the only thing Tyrion wants is freedom. Jaime can’t give him that. It’s treason to help a Kingslayer. Jaime then clues Tyrion in to Cersei’s threat on Sansa’s life but Tyrion assures Jaime it couldn’t have been her. “Sansa’s not a killer. Not yet, anyway.”
We catch up with Olenna and Margaery Tyrell during what appears to be their last stroll through the gardens because Olenna reveals she is leaving King’s Landing. The Tyrells have proposed a match between Tommen and Margaery but the Lannisters haven’t answered yet. Olenna tells Margaery to be patient and then tells her a story about her first love. He was originally supposed to marry Olenna’s sister but he fell victim to Olenna’s seduction since she was apparently very, very good. But Olenna claims Margaery is even better and needs to move in on Tommen fast before Cersei turns him against her. Luckily, Cersei is distracted and wrongfully accusing Tyiron of murder. Margaery wonders how she knows Tyrion is innocent. “You don’t think I’d let you marry that beast, do you?” Olenna responds. Margaery is confused but Olenna tells her not to worry while she FIDDLES WITH HER NECKLACE. (ASIDE: Did Olenna seriously just admit to murdering the King?! END OF ASIDE)
Jaime visits his sister-lover Cersei on official business as Lord Commander of the Night’s Guard. Cersei questions the number of guards stationed outfront of Tommen’s room and also is curious about why Catelyn would set him free. Was he telling the truth when he made the sacred vow to the enemy? Of course not. Jaime claims he was lying and saying whatever he needed to get back to Cersei. Not convinced, Cersei wonders what would happen if she told Jaime to leave the capital, go find Sansa and bring Cersei her head? She also wonders why Jaime would visit the creature that murdered their son. Cersei mocks Jaime for pitying Tyrion and then orders him to increase the number of guards for Tommen. She dismisses the Lord Commander as she drowns herself in wine and misery.
Tommen stirs and looks frightened when he hears a noise in the dark. Don’t worry King Tommen, it’s just Margaery popping in for a (secret) midnight visit. She emerges from the dark and Tommen wonders why he’s there since mother doesn’t allow evening visits. Margaery assures him it’s okay since she’s going to be his new bride. Margaery tells Tommen how lucky they are to know each other prior to an arranged marriage and they should take advantage and get to know one another. Suddenly, Ser Pounce jumps up and interrupts the intense moment. Tommen starts to confide in her and tell her about Joffrey’s sick plans for his poor cat. Margaery lets him know that she thinks Joffrey is awful and asks him if he knows what happens when they marry. “I become yours, forever,” she says. Poor Tommen. He looks terrified of what that means but also intrigued and excited as Margaery bids him farewell and promises to visit again. “Remember, our little secret,” she whispers before disappearing into the dark.
Jaime gives Brienne a new suit of armor and his new Valyerian steel sword, claiming that since the sword is made from Ned Stark’s sword and she will be using it to defend Sansa, she has to take it. Brienne promises to find Sansa and take her somewhere safe, for Catelyn and for Jaime. Jaime also gives her Pod as a squire. Poor Pod. He’s such a good, innocent lad; he can’t figure out how to properly address Brienne. Jaime also gives Pod Tyrion’s axe from the Battle of Blackwater, per Tyrion’s request. Hooray for Pod! Another nice guy who seems to have survived the Game. Now if only we could find Gendry….
So Jaime disobeyed Cersei and did everything he could to help Sansa, not kill her. What does this mean about Jaime? What does he feel for Brienne, if anything? Is he a Lannister or an Oathkeeper, as Brienne so aptly named the sword?
No news here. Where. Is. Gendry.
Rock Paper Watch’s Top Quote of 4×4:
Jenn’s Pick – “Kill the Masters.” – Grey Worm to the slaves of Meereen
Elizabeth’s Pick – “There’s nothing more tedious than a trial. Except perhaps these gardens. If I have to take one more leisurely stroll through these gardens I’ll fling myself from the cliffs.” – Lady Olenna (like viewers) is also annoyed that she’s only allowed to hang out in the Gardens